Woman with her hand in her pink and black polka dot lace panties © Sean Nel, 123RF
Quote : http://www.fmylife.com/intimacy/3716482
Monday, July 13, 2009
Accidental wet dreams…
Today, I was at a family function. We were all sitting on the couch and I ended up falling asleep. I was woken up by my cousin, who threw a glass full of water at me. Everyone looked at me horrified. Turns out I masturbate in my sleep. FML
Woman with her hand in her pink and black polka dot lace panties © Sean Nel, 123RF
Quote : http://www.fmylife.com/intimacy/3716482
Woman with her hand in her pink and black polka dot lace panties © Sean Nel, 123RF
Quote : http://www.fmylife.com/intimacy/3716482
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
The NeverEnding Ride.
Today, I sat on an elevator for 10 minutes thinking I was stuck. After waiting awhile I looked at the screen to see what floor I was stuck on, only to realize I hadn't pressed a button so I had just stayed on the ground floor. FML
Close-up shot of elevator buttons © Kasia Biel, 123RF
Quote : http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/3578218
Close-up shot of elevator buttons © Kasia Biel, 123RF
Quote : http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/3578218
Home Alone – NOT!!
Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML
Running woman in American flag with blonde long hair © Sergey Rusakov, 123RF
Who has the last laugh now?
Today, the car in front of me was going slow and I flashed my lights and honked. I floored it and passed the car, flipping off the driver. Just as I went around the next corner I got pulled over by a motorcycle cop. A few seconds later, the guy I flipped off drove by honked and waved. FML
Woman Receiving Speeding Ticket © Moodboard, 123RF
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Parental Love
Today, I was watching a movie with my parents. They were both on the bed, and I was lying on the floor next to their bed. Halfway through the movie, apparently forgetting that I was in the room, my parents started getting friendly. Three feet away from me. FML
Scared and hiding under the bed © Melanie Taylor, 123RF
Trapped in infinite loop of doom
Today, as I was walking into a motorcycle dealership, I saw two old men drinking beer outside. As I walked by, I heard one man say to his friend "I would definitely do her." His friend looked at me, grimaced, and then said to the other "man, how drunk ARE you?!" FML
damned grunge background, rusting metal with black graffiti, high contrast © Sascha Burkard, 123RF
Me angry. Me smash. You screwed.
Today, my sister just had a huge fight with my mom. After that, she thought it was appropriate to smash my $1,000 guitar to "blow off some steam." FML
Girl Smashing Guitar © Jason Stitt, 123RF
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Face-unLoved…
Today, I logged onto facebook, and saw that one of my friends had just listed herself as in a relationship. I was happy for her, so I clicked the "like" button. Then I went to her page to see who her new boyfriend was. It was my boyfriend. FML
Love is the key. Heart on a pink computer enter key. © peterdenovo, 123RF
You jump, I jump…
Today, I took a bike ride to enjoy the weather and stopped for a break on the sidewalk of an overpass, taking in the view of the beautiful hills. I was approached by a cop, who said to me: "Ma'am, I know your life is crap right now, but I'm sure it'll get better. Please don't jump." FML
Lonely female standing ontop of a hill looking at ocean vista. © Konstantin Sutyagin, 123RF
You can run, but you can’t hide…
Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML
A kiddie swing ride at a carnival © Robert Byron, 123RF
Sunday, June 28, 2009
You’re so screwed.
Today, I finally had sex with a girl I've been dating for over a month. Before we got started she told me not to worry about the birth control because she could handle that. So after we finished I asked her what kind of birth control she used. She said she meditated. FML
Beautiful athletic woman making yoga on a beautiful green meadow © Erik Reis, 123RF
Bubbly Mom.
Today, my mom put some bubblewrap on my desk because she thought I would have fun with it. I'm 18. It was awesome. FML
clear bubble wrap used for packaging fragile objects © Graça Victoria, 123RF
No cure for stupidity
Today, I realized that my company's calendar is synchronized throughout the whole building. The entire company now knows that I had sex with my wife last Wednesday and Friday, and that I went out with a girl named Janet on Saturday. My wife's name is Julie, and she works in the same building. FML
Handicap sign for those who, park, and have no permit to do so © Deanna Boldrick, 123RF
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Whoops. Temper - irony
Today, I lost it on my co-workers about how hard I've been working, picking up everyone's slack with no appreciation, and it was clear that I needed to find a job that actually rewarded hard work. As I went to grab my jacket to leave, I saw a cake and gift card for a cruise on the table, from the staff. FML
cake with candles and gift box © VIKTORIIA KULISH, 123RF
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
The ambiguity of “shower”
Today, It took me more than 4 hours to set up the back yard for my daughters baby shower. It only took my husband one push of a button to turn on the sprinklers. FML
Portrait of a young boy's silly face © David Hernandez, 123RF
Help!! I need help!!
Today, at the bank, i went to get some coffee from their machine. I gave it my money and pressed the buttons but nothing was happening. After banging on the machine for ten minutes and calling a teller over, a little boy reached up on his tippy toes to press the giant green START button for me. FML
hand painted finger pushing help button © Willee Cole, 123RF
Why are we waiting?….
Today, I was at a gas station and I went to the bathroom. Thinking some was already in the bathroom, I waited for ten minutes while people lined up behind me only to find out that it was empty. FML
Back view portrait of men and women standing in a row against white background © Yuri Arcurs, 123RF
Lesson in Life
Today, was my birthday. After hinting for almost 2 months for a Wii, my dad pulls out a shiny new Wii Package. The only problem? The box didn't have a Wii in it. My dad gave me a Wii box with my VCR inside and a note saying "This is life. Once you think you're happy, someone crushes it". FML
Black Hi-Fi VCR, isolated, clipping path included © Eugene Tochilin, 123RF
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Sorry, you’re out of luck.
Today, I was mugged on my way to the bus stop. With no money or mobile I started to panic about the exam I had and ran the 3.5 miles to get to there. When I staggered up to the building only 20mins after the exam started, the university staff wouldn't let me sit it as I couldn't prove my identity. FML
Men's hand signaling stop © Dorota C. ,123RF
Oops, My bad.
Today, I was in the grocery store getting bananas and there was this real hot guy next to me. He said hey beautiful so I smiled. He then asked if I was free on Friday night. I smiled and said "yes why do you ask?" He looked up from the bananas and pointed to the Bluetooth in his ear. FML
Businessman outdoors wearing headset (selective focus) © Cathy Yeulet,123RF
Straight shooter
Today, I was talking to my only grandson about how I was going to the dentist to get my teeth fixed and how it was going to cost a lot of money, he replied saying "Who cares, you're going to die soon anyways". FML
Jaws hold banknote © Sergey Peterman, 123RF
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Credit Card Debacle
Today, I got into a heated argument at a restaurant with a guy I am seeing because he refused to let me pay for the bill and I thought it was sexist. When he finally agreed, I gave the waiter my card, only to have him return a minute later telling me it was declined. FML
A pair of scissors cutting a credit card. Digital illustration © Andrea Danti, 123RF
Quote : http://www.fmylife.com/money/2965217
A pair of scissors cutting a credit card. Digital illustration © Andrea Danti, 123RF
Quote : http://www.fmylife.com/money/2965217
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)