Today, I finally had sex with a girl I've been dating for over a month. Before we got started she told me not to worry about the birth control because she could handle that. So after we finished I asked her what kind of birth control she used. She said she meditated. FML
Beautiful athletic woman making yoga on a beautiful green meadow © Erik Reis, 123RF
Today, my mom put some bubblewrap on my desk because she thought I would have fun with it. I'm 18. It was awesome. FML
clear bubble wrap used for packaging fragile objects © Graça Victoria, 123RF
Today, I realized that my company's calendar is synchronized throughout the whole building. The entire company now knows that I had sex with my wife last Wednesday and Friday, and that I went out with a girl named Janet on Saturday. My wife's name is Julie, and she works in the same building. FML
Handicap sign for those who, park, and have no permit to do so © Deanna Boldrick, 123RF
Today, I lost it on my co-workers about how hard I've been working, picking up everyone's slack with no appreciation, and it was clear that I needed to find a job that actually rewarded hard work. As I went to grab my jacket to leave, I saw a cake and gift card for a cruise on the table, from the staff. FML
cake with candles and gift box © VIKTORIIA KULISH, 123RF
Today, It took me more than 4 hours to set up the back yard for my daughters baby shower. It only took my husband one push of a button to turn on the sprinklers. FML
Portrait of a young boy's silly face © David Hernandez, 123RF
Today, at the bank, i went to get some coffee from their machine. I gave it my money and pressed the buttons but nothing was happening. After banging on the machine for ten minutes and calling a teller over, a little boy reached up on his tippy toes to press the giant green START button for me. FML
hand painted finger pushing help button © Willee Cole, 123RF
Today, I was at a gas station and I went to the bathroom. Thinking some was already in the bathroom, I waited for ten minutes while people lined up behind me only to find out that it was empty. FML
Back view portrait of men and women standing in a row against white background © Yuri Arcurs, 123RF
Today, was my birthday. After hinting for almost 2 months for a Wii, my dad pulls out a shiny new Wii Package. The only problem? The box didn't have a Wii in it. My dad gave me a Wii box with my VCR inside and a note saying "This is life. Once you think you're happy, someone crushes it". FML
Black Hi-Fi VCR, isolated, clipping path included © Eugene Tochilin, 123RF
Today, I was mugged on my way to the bus stop. With no money or mobile I started to panic about the exam I had and ran the 3.5 miles to get to there. When I staggered up to the building only 20mins after the exam started, the university staff wouldn't let me sit it as I couldn't prove my identity. FML
Men's hand signaling stop © Dorota C. ,123RF
Today, I was in the grocery store getting bananas and there was this real hot guy next to me. He said hey beautiful so I smiled. He then asked if I was free on Friday night. I smiled and said "yes why do you ask?" He looked up from the bananas and pointed to the Bluetooth in his ear. FML
Businessman outdoors wearing headset (selective focus) © Cathy Yeulet,123RF
Today, I was talking to my only grandson about how I was going to the dentist to get my teeth fixed and how it was going to cost a lot of money, he replied saying "Who cares, you're going to die soon anyways". FML
Jaws hold banknote © Sergey Peterman, 123RF
